you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
