You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dick very happy bro
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
