I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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