We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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