I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
