Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
