His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize