you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
