oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
