Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
