Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
