you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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