I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
