Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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