Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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