Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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