i permit you to call me
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize