Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
