We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
