We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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