I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
