How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Panties = found
Randomize
