Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
