marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
