no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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