I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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