he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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