:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
