Old men and throwing up are my life now.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
