i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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