piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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