I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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