i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
