He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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