i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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