Me too!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so much tequila, so little girl.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
