omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
