Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
