the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
high people should be assigned attendants
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
