Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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