____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
