My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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