So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
it hurts more in the daytime
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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