i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
