I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
