i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
