It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
