I wish I could teleport
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize