is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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