why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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