That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
