clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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