We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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