Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
