So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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