If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
