Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
