I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
