There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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