Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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