At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You can't motorboat a personality
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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