i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you had me at cake vodka
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
