I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
