Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
