Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
