Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
