Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
