WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
