like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
